Katy Perry deals with divorce through music and blue hair.

“Part Of Me” - Katy Perry 

This is a break up song to rival all break up songs. Why? Because for once it’s not a pop song about Romeo and Juliet breaking up. It’s about two adults ending a marriage. 

Lyric videos are so hot right now.

Days like this I want to drive away

Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade

You chewed me up and spit me out

Like I was poison in your mouth

You took my light, you drained me down

But that was then and this is now

Now look at me

Katy is a classy lady. And she certainly sets the example. Do you see her boohoo-ing or acting a hot mess in public after her divorce? No. Probably because she’s, you know, an adult. 

So instead of driving away, she performs at the Grammys (don’t we all wish we could have that option?).

Bombshell blue at the Grammys.

This is the part of me

That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

This is the part of me

That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows

But you’re not gonna break my soul

This is the part of me

That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

Guesses as to which “part” she is referring to:

1. “Her heart!” say the romantics.

1. “Her faith!” say the religious.

1. “Her money...” say the RustyRockets’ fans.

Nay, says I.

She may look a little like a Power Ranger, but I wouldn't mess with her.

In the aftermath of divorce, what’s she got left that’s hers alone, after sharing everything with someone else? Music. Also: Talent. A career in something she loves. A kickass song.

I just wanna throw my phone away

Find out who is really there for me

You ripped me off your love was cheap

Was always tearing at the seams

I fell deep, you let me down

But that was then and this is now

Now look at me

Designer label love is hard to come by for international pop stars. But then again, this isn’t 1800s England,. Jane Austen didn’t have a smartphone (but imagine if she did?).

Throwing he phone away must be hard for someone who tweets as often as Katy does. Good thing she knows technology is one of her enemies in trying to get over her ex. 

Off-brand love just doesn’t cut it for Katy.

Now look at me I’m sparkling

A firework, a dancing flame

You won't ever put me out again

I’m glowin’ oh whoa

Self-referential in your own song? Approved.

This part was put in special for soon-to-be-ex-husband Russel Brand. 

So you can keep the diamond ring

It don't mean nothing anyway

Here’s the original, written for ex-bf Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes.

You can keep the dog for me
I never liked him anyway

Clearly she has grown up over the years if she’s exchanging a dog for a ring.

Don't worry. There's a book for that.

In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah

Except for me

Kudos to Katy Perry for being progressive with this song. Divorce is still not an easy subject to talk about, especially within a song. He may get fido, but he doesn't get her work. Being an individual that has something they care about besides another person, however cliche that sounds, could actually be the thing that helps you get your life together after a breakup.

It’s also just a nice change from other negative breakup songs out there. Like the one involving a Louisville slugger. 

Here’s an excellent article written to empathize with ex-Cali gov Schwarzenegger’s wife Maria Shriver that talks about 10 other songs discussing divorce/separation.

The Glory of being a Parent

“Glory” - Jay-Z feat. B.I.C.

Excuse me while I wax sentimental. This song was written for Blue Ivy Carter, Beyoncé and Sean Carter’s baby girl, born last Saturday. B.I.C. is in reference to Jay-Z's old friend, B.I.G. And as for the name, Blue is Jay-Z's favorite color and his album "The Blueprint," while both mom and dad were born on the 4th, and married on the 4th, and one of Beyoncé's albums was titled "4." Hence, IV. And if your'e wondering why it says it features, its because he did. You can hear her trying to imitate her momma at the end of the song. 

Beyomom and J. Daddy

If you still cry while watching certain Disney movies, you’ll probably get a little teary-eyed from reading these lyrics.  There is no way I can critic them when it is clear that this is something meaningful and not meant to entertain. And especially since it’s dedicated to Jay-Z’s greatest creation. D’aawww.

The most amazing feeling I feel
Words can't describe what I'm feeling for real
Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you

False alarms and false starts
All made better by the sound of your heart
All the pain of the last time
I pray so hard it was the last time
Your mamma said that you danced for her
Did you wiggle your hands for her?

Everything that I pray for
God's gift I wish I would have prayed more
God makes no mistakes
I've made a few
Rough sledding here and there
But I made it through

I wreak havoc on the world
Get ready for part two
A younger, smarter, faster me
Saw a pinch of hove
A whole glass of B

The most amazing feeling I feel
Words can't describe what I'm feeling for real
Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you

Your grandpop died of n*gga failure
Then he died of liver failure
Deep down he was a good man
God d*mn I can't deliver failure

Bad*ss lil' hove
Two years old shopping on Savile Row
Wicked *ss little B
Hard not to spoil you rotten lookin' like little me
The most beautifulest thing in this world
Is daddy's little girl

You don't yet know what swag is
But you was made in Paris
And mamma woke up the next day and shot her album package
Last time the miscarriage was so tragic
We was afraid you'd disappear
But nah baby you magic

So there you have it sh*t happens
Just make sure the plane you on is bigger than your carry on baggage
Everybody go through stuff
Life is a gift love open it up

You're a child of destiny
You're the child of my destiny
You're my child with the child from Destiny's Child
That's a hell of a recipe

The most amazing feeling I feel
Words can't describe what I'm feeling for real
Baby I paint the sky blue
My greatest creation was you

Space Ambassador Will.i.am. reports on hard things

“T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)” by Will.i.am feat. Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez

Here’s a fun one! As long as you don’t think too hard about the lyrics...

"Its hard, but if I wear all white, I can see into the future."

Sir William starts off with his usual boasting. Let the jargon jousting begin!

Oh my goodness, this beat is so hard...
Oh my goodness, this beat is so hard...

I'mma go hard, hard to the core
Hard like motha fuckin’ liquid swords
Harder than worldwide stadium tours
I am the future, DeLorean doors

What’s the point of a liquid sword? I wondered the same thing. Then I realized he was bragging about being as good a rapper as GZA, Wu-Tang Clan founder and “genius.” 

As for DeLorean doors, everyone knows Will.i.am. is obsessed with the future and looking like an astronaut. Unless he meant the car company. Double points for double entendre! 

“Flux capacitor; space ambassador.” 

Will he survive? Never deceased
I don't think I'mma ever gonna rest in peace
I'mma kill the game, leave the rest in pieces

 Its safe to assume that if a person is talking about himself in the third person, he has not died nor has he ever died. 

Now everybody want my recipe
Tell a jealous chicken I don't know what the beef is
I'm just making money for my grankids' nieces

Didn’t know Will.i.am could cook though! I bet his dishes are out of this world. And he has a nice work ethic too; planning for the future (his favorite thing) of his grandkids’ nieces. That’s a family man right there.

I'mma work hard, that's my thesis
This beat is the shit, feces

Feces is a funny word. I have no complaints about the use of this word in this song. Especially when it rhymes with thesis.

Gross....or better?

Pardon me ma'am, I'mma go dumb
Smart.i.am, I'm complicated, hard.I.am
I end the beginning, then start it again

Apparently, you can be an idiot while simultaneously being intelligent. He must get away with it on account of how complicated an individual he is. I used to say I was complicated too. Then I became a better person. 

OMG J.LO! Oh, wait, she just repeats the chorus. Kinda like in those 5 other songs she was featured in last year.

“I just had twins and we’re trying to start their modeling career. I can’t exert myself. But I can totally roll around in lace and sing the hook.”

You can go hard or you can go home
You can go hard or you can go home

Yadda yadda, etc.

Oh my goodness, this beat is so hard...
Oh my goodness, this beat is so hard...

You know who else says “oh my goodness?” My grandma. I guess Jennifer Lopez can’t blaspheme, she’s got babies now. 

“Kids, look at the camera like mommy is doing. Also, don’t listen to any of my music until your old enough.”

Back to Space Cadet William.

You can get that, or you can get this
You can call a demon, I'mma call Jesus
You can get a curse, you can get a cross
You can go to work, or you can be the boss

Hmm. 

I bet he has this shirt.

I'mma be the owner, be a thought donor
I'mma go hard, like a muthafuckin’ boner
I'mma make the beat put the people in a coma
You can be a geek or be a rolling stoner

Someone should take his “thought donor” idea and make a screenplay out of it. GOLD. Only then he ruins it by making an obvious pun. “Make sure to reference your penis every other stanza, otherwise your audience will think you actually care about your message.” - Label Execs

I woke up in the morning,Hard like morning wood in the morning
Woke up thinking about microphonin'
E.T. own the mic, phone the homeland

I’m doubting that he was thinking about his performance on the mic.


I'm way out like NASA
I'm way over here, I done past ya
I get stacks of cash, you get cashews

I go hard, statues

Yes, statues are generally hard. And the only word that rhymes with cashews. He really is obsessed with space and the future though. He should get this shirt instead:

Now let me take this time to say I don't wanna lead you on
You can go hard or you can go home

Well I, I know it is a lot to take but I don't wanna lead you on
You can go hard or you can go home
You can go hard...

More showing off about manhood.

Wait a minute, I'mma make it a little harder
I'mma make it a little harder
Give it to you a little harder
THIS IS HARD....

Oh, what’s this? He’s upping the ante?

“Mick Jagger, I choose you!”

Hard like a rock n roll
The time bomb's tickin', explode
Baby this is dynamo
Better move back now
It's bout to blow

Do we really care what Jagger is saying? Can we even understand what Jagger is saying?

Hard like Geometry, and Trigonometry
This is crazy
Psychology
Get it baby

I can think of about three things off the top of my head that are harder than geometry and trigonometry: surviving the Holocaust, escaping Alcatraz, and running a country. I think most of us have figured out that there are harder things in life than high school math.

I'm ‘bout to win
Watch out now
I'm going in

Going where? Into retirement? 

I don’t read Entertainment Weekly and I bet you don’t either, but I found out this for you: this song made the Top Five Worst Songs of 2011. Now you know part of the reason. Be glad I don’t critique music videos on this site too, or this blog post would be a hell of a lot longer.

A Couplet of Things to Consider

“Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye feat. Kimbra

This is how you tell a story through a song. 

“I’m Australian and heartbroken. You dig me.”

“You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well, you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened

And that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger

And that feels so rough

And you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records

And then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know”

Translation:

A tale as old as time: man and woman fall in love. Then out of love when they figure out they don’t actually like sitting on the couch arguing about what movie to watch. They agree to “just be friends.” 

Disney should make a movie where the girl and boy are “just friends” at the end. It’d be representative of our time!

Apparently someone forgot to mention that being friends really only means on Facebook (for stalking purposes of course) and the occasional accidentally-bumped-into-you-at-our-old-spot. Otherwise, totally ignoring you and oh yeah, I forgot you liked grocery shopping too. 

"I don’t need you to like me, he says, but I want you to acknowledge that I tweeted you.”

Then comes denial. Ignore someone long enough, and there is a point where they go crazy. And write a song about it.

Like Adele. 

Accuse and accept. Now he treats her the same as she treated him. Real world ending.

If you listen to the whole song, you’ll hear the B side of this story. She has her say as well. 

Pitbull and Marc Anthony Make it Rain, Mostly in Product Endorsement

The scrutinizer returns. And what’s more appropriate than returning with a translation of the first artist to be scrutinized on this blog. A breed all his own: Pitbull. With Marc Anthony instead of Enrique this time.

“Rain Over Me” - Pitbull ft. Marc Athony

"I'm the one that dances with the hot chicks in this music video Marc, not you. Comprende? And give me back my sunglasses."

Marc Anthony starts off:

Girl, my body don't lie

I'm outta my mind

Let it rain over me

I'm rising so high

Out of my mind

So let it rain over me

Apparently his lips lie though. As for him being out of his mind, I'd agree.

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

“My ex-wife thought her song with Pitbull would be better than mine. Puta, por favor.”

Mr. Worldwide:

A billion's a new million

Voli's a new vodka

Forty is the new 30

Baby you're a rockstar

Dale veterana, que tú sabes

Más de la cuenta, no te hagas

Who knew Pitbull could make such keen observations on our society? Economic standards have changed. People stay prettier longer and anyone can be a rockstar. Oh, and don’t forget to drink VOLI, a new brand of light vodka! The smoothest, most delicious vodka you’ll ever try, PLUS ITS LOW CALORIE! BUY NOW! Not to mention they have a great spokesperson. Hint: he’s in this song. 

“I make product endorsement sexy.”

Teach me baby, or better yet,

Freak me baby, yes, yes

I'm freaky baby, I'mma make sure that your peach feels peachy baby

He's so charming. He can’t decide if he wants this woman to impart knowledge with her mouth or her vagina. But he is going to make her feel just peachy. 

No bullshit broads, I like my women sexy, classy, sassy

Powerful yes, they love to get the middle, nasty ow

This ain't a game you'll see, you can put the blame on me

Dale muñequita, abre ahí, and let it rain over me

Listen dames, if you’re not a class act, don’t even try. Pitbull is one dreamboat that does not let just any dollface on for a ride.

Marc Anthony says aye aye.

Girl my body don't lie

I'm outta my mind

Let it rain over me

I'm rising so high

Out of my mind

So let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Pitbull provides some more social commentary:

A billion's a new million

Voli's a new vodka

Latin is the new majority, ya tú sabes

Next step la casa blanca

No hay carro, nos vamos en balsa

Latin is definitely a growing population. Songs that are half in Spanish prove this. No hablo sleazy though. 

Mami you know the drill, they won't know what I got 'til they read the will

I ain't tryin, I ain't trying to keep it real

I'm trying to keep wealthy that's for real

Pero mira que tú 'tas buena, y mira que tú 'tas dura

Baby no me hables más, y tíramelo mami chula

No games you'll see, you can put the blame on me

Dale muñequita, abre ahí, and let it rain over me

Most songwriters confess their secret, undying love or how much they hated their ex’s guts. Pitbull likes to confess his sins. Greed and lust obviously being near the top.

"I put my face onto a waterfall because then I can get multiple chicks wet at the same time."

Mr. Worldwide, Marc Anthony, tú sabes

I was playing with her, she was playing with me

Next thing you know, we were playing with three

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I was playing with her, she was playing with me

Next thing you know, we were playing with three

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Rain over me

Cool story bro. Tell it again. 

Girl my body don't lie

I'm outta my mind

Let it rain over me

I'm rising so high

Out of my mind

So let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Kelly Rowland wants to motivate you to live a healthier lifestyle.

“Motivation” - Kelly Rowland ft. Lil Wayne

So if you’re reading this blog, you probably have a pretty R-rated mind. Hey, I’m just callin’ it as I see it. But instead of donning my skeeze spectacles, this time I’ve attempted to save these lyrics written by Jim Jonsin, Rico Love, Daniel Morris, and, of course, Lil Wayne. Lets get ready to WERK IT!

I prefer sweats when I work out, but thats me.

This is going to be your new workout song. We can call it the Skankout. Ready to pump it up? 

“Go, go, go, go

Oh lover, don’t you dare slow down

Go longer, you can last more rounds

Push harder, you're almost there now

So go lover, make mama proud”

These are words of encouragement you can say to a friend at the gym. Lover is a term of endearment. Say it to your sister, your trainer, your bro, your fellow gym goer. You want them to know you have faith in them, they can push through that last set, they can do it. You want someone to give that last push, just tell them to think of their mom. Guaranteed to boost moral. Especially if you’re trying to do those few last push ups.

Make sure you're the only one of the opposite sex at the gym. This how you make yourself give 110%. 

“And when we're done, I don’t wanna feel my legs

And when we're done, I just wanna feel your hands all over me, baby

but you can’t stop there, music still playing in the background

And you're almost there

You can do it, I believe in you, baby

So close from here”

How do you know you’ve have a good workout and given all you got? You can’t feel your legs. After a marathon run or finally being able to swim a mile in the pool, all anyone wants is a high five or a hug. And if you’re other workout song is still playing in the background, don’t stop! Kelly Rowland and I believe in you.

You think the guys from Jersey Shore stop when they can't feel their legs? No way. They stop when they no longer feel their arms when they fistpump. Juicehead workouts man.

“Baby I’ma be your motivation

Go, go, go, go

Motivation

Go, go, go, go”

You know who else can be your motivation? Richard muthafuckin’ Simmons.

“Is it getting hot in here?! Or is it just YOU!!!”

Here comes Lil Wayne with some words of encouragement about how he works out.

“Uh, girl I turn that thing into a rainforest

Rain on my head, call that brainstorming

Yeah this is deep, oh but I go deeper

Make you lose yourself, and finders keepers

It go green light, go Weezy go

I like to taste that sugar, that sweet and low

But hold up wait, new position

I put her on my plate then I do the dishes

She my motivation, I’m her transportation

Cause I let her ride, while I drive her crazy

Then I just keep going going like I’m racing

When I’m done she hold me like a conversation

Weezy, baby”

Man, you’re just sweating so much at this point in the song, you might as well be in a rainforest. Gross. Lil Wayne must be into yoga, since he’s talking about switching up positions. Thats a serious workout folks. Downward doggie dog is hardcore. 

Sidenote: doing dishes and other forms of housework has actually been shown to be a form of exercise. Its still moving around, which gets your blood flowing! Cool.

You can fantasize AND workout when doing dishes. *thumbs up*

“Oh Lover,

when you call my name

No other,

can do that the same

I won't let ya get up out of the game,

no so go lover, gon’ and make me rain”

Its like when you played basketball or soccer or chess in high school. Everybody would call out your name, cheer for you. You’re not going to let your teammate just quit a game. So cheer them on so they can “make it rain.”

If these guys were cheering for me, I'm pretty sure I would never fail at anything ever.