Pitbull and Marc Anthony Make it Rain, Mostly in Product Endorsement

The scrutinizer returns. And what’s more appropriate than returning with a translation of the first artist to be scrutinized on this blog. A breed all his own: Pitbull. With Marc Anthony instead of Enrique this time.

“Rain Over Me” - Pitbull ft. Marc Athony

"I'm the one that dances with the hot chicks in this music video Marc, not you. Comprende? And give me back my sunglasses."

Marc Anthony starts off:

Girl, my body don't lie

I'm outta my mind

Let it rain over me

I'm rising so high

Out of my mind

So let it rain over me

Apparently his lips lie though. As for him being out of his mind, I'd agree.

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

“My ex-wife thought her song with Pitbull would be better than mine. Puta, por favor.”

Mr. Worldwide:

A billion's a new million

Voli's a new vodka

Forty is the new 30

Baby you're a rockstar

Dale veterana, que tú sabes

Más de la cuenta, no te hagas

Who knew Pitbull could make such keen observations on our society? Economic standards have changed. People stay prettier longer and anyone can be a rockstar. Oh, and don’t forget to drink VOLI, a new brand of light vodka! The smoothest, most delicious vodka you’ll ever try, PLUS ITS LOW CALORIE! BUY NOW! Not to mention they have a great spokesperson. Hint: he’s in this song. 

“I make product endorsement sexy.”

Teach me baby, or better yet,

Freak me baby, yes, yes

I'm freaky baby, I'mma make sure that your peach feels peachy baby

He's so charming. He can’t decide if he wants this woman to impart knowledge with her mouth or her vagina. But he is going to make her feel just peachy. 

No bullshit broads, I like my women sexy, classy, sassy

Powerful yes, they love to get the middle, nasty ow

This ain't a game you'll see, you can put the blame on me

Dale muñequita, abre ahí, and let it rain over me

Listen dames, if you’re not a class act, don’t even try. Pitbull is one dreamboat that does not let just any dollface on for a ride.

Marc Anthony says aye aye.

Girl my body don't lie

I'm outta my mind

Let it rain over me

I'm rising so high

Out of my mind

So let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Pitbull provides some more social commentary:

A billion's a new million

Voli's a new vodka

Latin is the new majority, ya tú sabes

Next step la casa blanca

No hay carro, nos vamos en balsa

Latin is definitely a growing population. Songs that are half in Spanish prove this. No hablo sleazy though. 

Mami you know the drill, they won't know what I got 'til they read the will

I ain't tryin, I ain't trying to keep it real

I'm trying to keep wealthy that's for real

Pero mira que tú 'tas buena, y mira que tú 'tas dura

Baby no me hables más, y tíramelo mami chula

No games you'll see, you can put the blame on me

Dale muñequita, abre ahí, and let it rain over me

Most songwriters confess their secret, undying love or how much they hated their ex’s guts. Pitbull likes to confess his sins. Greed and lust obviously being near the top.

"I put my face onto a waterfall because then I can get multiple chicks wet at the same time."

Mr. Worldwide, Marc Anthony, tú sabes

I was playing with her, she was playing with me

Next thing you know, we were playing with three

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I was playing with her, she was playing with me

Next thing you know, we were playing with three

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Rain over me

Cool story bro. Tell it again. 

Girl my body don't lie

I'm outta my mind

Let it rain over me

I'm rising so high

Out of my mind

So let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Ay ay ay

Let it rain over me

Kelly Rowland wants to motivate you to live a healthier lifestyle.

“Motivation” - Kelly Rowland ft. Lil Wayne

So if you’re reading this blog, you probably have a pretty R-rated mind. Hey, I’m just callin’ it as I see it. But instead of donning my skeeze spectacles, this time I’ve attempted to save these lyrics written by Jim Jonsin, Rico Love, Daniel Morris, and, of course, Lil Wayne. Lets get ready to WERK IT!

I prefer sweats when I work out, but thats me.

This is going to be your new workout song. We can call it the Skankout. Ready to pump it up? 

“Go, go, go, go

Oh lover, don’t you dare slow down

Go longer, you can last more rounds

Push harder, you're almost there now

So go lover, make mama proud”

These are words of encouragement you can say to a friend at the gym. Lover is a term of endearment. Say it to your sister, your trainer, your bro, your fellow gym goer. You want them to know you have faith in them, they can push through that last set, they can do it. You want someone to give that last push, just tell them to think of their mom. Guaranteed to boost moral. Especially if you’re trying to do those few last push ups.

Make sure you're the only one of the opposite sex at the gym. This how you make yourself give 110%. 

“And when we're done, I don’t wanna feel my legs

And when we're done, I just wanna feel your hands all over me, baby

but you can’t stop there, music still playing in the background

And you're almost there

You can do it, I believe in you, baby

So close from here”

How do you know you’ve have a good workout and given all you got? You can’t feel your legs. After a marathon run or finally being able to swim a mile in the pool, all anyone wants is a high five or a hug. And if you’re other workout song is still playing in the background, don’t stop! Kelly Rowland and I believe in you.

You think the guys from Jersey Shore stop when they can't feel their legs? No way. They stop when they no longer feel their arms when they fistpump. Juicehead workouts man.

“Baby I’ma be your motivation

Go, go, go, go

Motivation

Go, go, go, go”

You know who else can be your motivation? Richard muthafuckin’ Simmons.

“Is it getting hot in here?! Or is it just YOU!!!”

Here comes Lil Wayne with some words of encouragement about how he works out.

“Uh, girl I turn that thing into a rainforest

Rain on my head, call that brainstorming

Yeah this is deep, oh but I go deeper

Make you lose yourself, and finders keepers

It go green light, go Weezy go

I like to taste that sugar, that sweet and low

But hold up wait, new position

I put her on my plate then I do the dishes

She my motivation, I’m her transportation

Cause I let her ride, while I drive her crazy

Then I just keep going going like I’m racing

When I’m done she hold me like a conversation

Weezy, baby”

Man, you’re just sweating so much at this point in the song, you might as well be in a rainforest. Gross. Lil Wayne must be into yoga, since he’s talking about switching up positions. Thats a serious workout folks. Downward doggie dog is hardcore. 

Sidenote: doing dishes and other forms of housework has actually been shown to be a form of exercise. Its still moving around, which gets your blood flowing! Cool.

You can fantasize AND workout when doing dishes. *thumbs up*

“Oh Lover,

when you call my name

No other,

can do that the same

I won't let ya get up out of the game,

no so go lover, gon’ and make me rain”

Its like when you played basketball or soccer or chess in high school. Everybody would call out your name, cheer for you. You’re not going to let your teammate just quit a game. So cheer them on so they can “make it rain.”

If these guys were cheering for me, I'm pretty sure I would never fail at anything ever.

Nicki Minaj has a thing for American Guys.

“Super Bass” - Nicki Minaj, ft. Ester Dean

Here’s a song about something you don’t hear about very often: American guys. Nicki Minaj has come to the defense of all men who bleed red, white and blue. This song is about what she likes her Amurrican man to have: a big bass (and get your mind out of the gutter if you were thinking something else).

"Can I get a Captain America to go with my She-Hulk?"

This one is for the boys with the booming system

Top down, AC with the cooling system

When he come up in the club, he be blazin' up

Got stacks on deck like he savin' up

Shout out to all those men who aren’t afraid to turn the volume up, even though people in neighboring cars might give them dirty looks. This is America where we have freedom of speech. And the freedom to turn it all the way to 11, should we so choose. Also, Nicki Minaj likes it when a dude can enter the club baked as hell and drop some stacks of money on the bar. America likes excessiveness.

You know what they say. The louder the bass...

And he ill, he real, he might got a deal

He pop bottles and he got the right kind of bill

He cold, he dope, he might sell coke

He always in the air, but he never fly coach

So all that slang really just means this guy is cool, might have a record deal, drinks, and has enough money to not fly Southwest. 

And he might work for one of the most American of companies: Coca Cola. 

That's not product placement. That's one of the most American 

shows endorsing one the most American products. Patriotic!

He a muthafuckin trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship

When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip

That's the kind of dude I was lookin' for

And yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoe

He’s a blasty blast and probably a sailor (those uniforms are what’s up). He is also very good at making a female faucet drip (this is where you put your mind in the gutter).

Need tickets to the gun show?

I said, excuse me you're a hell of a guy

I mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly

I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie

A pelican can fly to an altitude of 3000 meters. This guy is high enough to be a space cadet. How many female rappers do you think admit to liking a guy who’s shy and actually wears a tie? American men are the best at pulling off a tie.

It says: “I’m a pro and I have 'connections.' Ya, see?"

You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh

Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the F I is

I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

Smoother than this famous rapper? That’s pretty smooth. The next part is mostly for Nicki Minaj to remind the listener of who is rapping, in case they forgot. Its important that an artist list their skills. Nicki’s are: flirting with guy, making guys back up their cars to stare at her ass, and throwing up the peace sign. She’s pretty talented.

Slick Rick, rapper/pirate. Too bad he was British.

Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away

Beating like a drum and it's coming your way

Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass

Yeah that's that super bass

Ever been so in love, that when you see you’re walking towards the guy you like, and your heart starts pounding like a subwoofer, so loud that you’re sure the guy can hear it coming? 

Me neither. Pfft. But apparently Nicki’s heart sounds like a subwoofer.

This one is for the boys in the polos

Entrepreneur niggas in the moguls

He could ball with the crew, he could solo

But I think I like him better when he dolo

Nicki is definitely expressing her love of clean-cut, professional men. Whether they were on a marketing team or are the C.E.O, they pinky up.

And I think I like him better with the fitted cap on

He ain't even gotta try to put the mac on

He just gotta give me that look, when he give me that look

Then the panties comin' off, off, uh

No need to put in any kind of effort to impress this lady. Just need to give that “Come hither” look and it’s like she wasn’t even wearing pants to begin with.

Hello, ladies.

Excuse me, you're a hell of a guy you know I really got a thing for American guys

I mean, sigh, sickenin' eyes I can tell that you're in touch with your feminine side

Can we talk about that first line for a sec? Who has ever praised American guys before?  

We’ve heard about: 

• Italian Stallions
• Latin Lovers
• Don Juans
• Frisky French Men
• Chocolate Love
• Scottish Rogues
• British Lads
• Greek Freaks
• Irish guys who say “Who’s your Paddy?” 

The list can go on. But American? About time someone recognized how sexy American men can be.

American-made.

Wiz Khalifa likes to "roll up".... a lot.

“Roll Up” - Wiz Khalifa

Its time for another song about cheating. Wiz Khalifa dedicates this one to some chick who needs him to pick her up when she’s having problems with her spouse and smoke some weed with him. 

Weed Khalifa

“I roll up

I roll up

I roll up

Shawty I roll up”

Etcetera. He rolls up for this woman a lot. Just in case you’re not sure what this means:

to roll up 1. (v.) to drive a vehicle up to a curb in order to pick a hooker up. 2. (v.) roll a joint. 

We’ll get to the joint part later.

Wiz Khareefer

“Its your anniversary isn't it

And your man ain't acting right

So you packin’ your Damier luggage up callin’ my cell phone, try and catch a flight

You know one thing straight, I’ll be there girl whenever you call me

When you at home that's your man, soon as you land you say that's all me”

This isn’t the first anniversary this woman’s husband has acted like a prick he’s guessing. And I’m guessing she’s only staying with him because he’s buying her Louis Vuitton luggage. Yet Wiz is going to make sure he’s the better man by being the shoulder for her to cry on because that’s priceless. Also, he’s po’. Can’t afford the or.

Wiz Califas and Snoop Doobie. Don't worry, I'm out now.

“But shit ain't all G with him no more, you ain't entertained

Since I meet you a couple months ago you ain't been the same

Not sayin I’m the richest man alive but I’m in the game

As long as you keep it 100, Imma spend this change”

In this part, he’s trying to convince himself that her husband is boring and that they’re relationship is not as “gangster” as it used to be. 

Ain’t it how it always goes. You get with a dude, and he’s a G and you’re a G, and you’re both thuggin’, but then, he turns into a square, and you’re like, “But I’m still a letter!” Moral: you can’t date shapes if you’re a letter.

Anyways, he may not be the richest, at least compared to the banker or engineer or whatever moneybags she’s married to has. But he’s got game, as in, he’s still got passion and a libido. So as long as this chick stays 100% true to him, he’ll spend what little moola he’s got on her and go broke in the  process, but whatever, its love.

How do you think rappers stay so chill?

“Whenever you need me

Whenever want me,

You know you can call me, I’ll be there shortly

Don’t care what your friends say, cause they don't know me

I can be your best friend, and you be my homie”

You know what, this part of the song reminds me of another song I know.... A little diddy once sang by a gang of five brothers, one of which was a prince who grew up to be a king. My favorite fairytale.

“If you should ever find someone new, I know he’d better be good to you

‘Cause if he doesn’t, I’ll be there

Don’t you know, baby, yeah yeah

I’ll be there, I’ll be there, just call my name, I’ll be there

I’ll be there, I’ll be there, whenever you need me, I”ll be there”

Maybe Wiz should make a pact with this upset woman to bring salvation back. It could be a real relationshit. 

“I ain't gonna flex, I’m not gonna front

You know if I ball, then we all gonna stunt

Send her my way, she ain't gotta hold up

Whenever you call baby I roll up, I roll up, I roll up”

Look, he’s not going to try and be all macho or act like he’s something he’s not.  And if he plays???? a game of basketball???? which means????? everyone gets bling?? to show off??? 


Apologies to the reader this verse was not able to be translated fully. The writer is still not fluent in some languages.

“I try to stay out your business

But on the real you’re so obvious

And if you keep fitting me in your plans and fuckin’ up, your mans gonna catch onto us

That white sand surrounding us”

Sure, Wiz, you’re trying to avoid her and not get involved with her unless she calls you. But somehow you’re at her place, in her bed, with cocaine, so her husband can walk in at any time? 

“He be handcuffing, he should work for them officers

If you rolling I got a spot where I can put you on this medical, and send you home doctored up”

You bet your skunk head he’d be handcuffing you. To a tree, so he could drive his car into you. This may be a stretch, but I think Wiz is talking about how in Cali, you can get marijuana for medical reasons. But only serious medical reasons. For example: back pain, headaches, wisdom teeth removed a year ago and they still hurt. 

“You wanna ride with me cause you say that he boring

Wake up you rollin’ weed, cooking eggs in the morning

Ain't scared to spend this money I’ll make more of it

First you was in the sky now you say you in orbit”

What kind of person uses the excuse “He’s just so booooring!” to cheat on someone? Probably someone looking for some free weed. If he’s supplying, its only polite that at least make him breakfast. She’s probably making some good ol’ Gangster Gumbo.

Nothing like homecooking!

Katy Perry knows what's gay, and its not her, its you.

“Ur So Gay” - Katy Perry

In honor of gay marriage being legalized in NY, let’s discuss (for the nth time) how the word “gay” is used, specifically in this song.

There seems to be many different ways our society chooses to use this word. Frat boys think it means “unmanly,” teenagers think it means “stupid,” old people still think it means “happy,” but Katy Perry actually thinks it means: “straight men who she used to date who were too self-absorbed with themselves to pay attention to her.”

Saying it with a smile doesn't make it okay. 

“I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf

While jacking off listening to Mozart

You bitch and moan about LA

Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway”

First off girlfriend, H&M does not make scarves with a thread count higher than 200. So if this guy wants to hang himself, he should go to Bloodbath and Beyond and get some quality curtains that will get the job done.

Also, what music a person chooses to pleasure themselves to does not speak of their sexual orientation in any way. I believe Mozart would be flattered.

Point C, everyone bitches about Hell-A. Bitching does not make you gay; it just makes you a hater.

 Lastly, if you’re implying that Hemingway might have been  gay, you may be right. But reading Hemingway in the rain? Emo, not gay.

Funny AND inoffensive. It's possible.

“You don’t eat meat

And drive electrical cars

You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art

You need SPF 45 just to stay alive”

So trying to live a healthier and more environmentally-friendly lifestyle means one is also living a homosexual lifestyle? This makes at least half the population gay! And by gay, I mean awesome.

That last statement could be considered racist Ms. Perry. Pale people have feelings too. Watch yourself.

See, just because he looked like a member of Hanson does not mean he was gay.

“You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like boys”

......then why are you calling him gay?!  

“You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal

You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal

Secretly you’re so amused

That nobody understands you”

Clever, telling him to buy a happy meal. When really, you want him to eat away his feelings so that he gets fat, making you look even more skinny. That’s so female. (If you’re going to pick on his sexuality, I’ll pick on your gender.)

I think Katy Perry is secretly amused that she is getting away with talking shit about this guy behind his back. Idea: maybe you’d understand him better if you actually talk to him instead of about him. 

For all you emotional eaters, you CAN have your cake, eat it, and not have guilty and suicidal feelings later!

“I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head

I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead

I can’t believe I fell in love 

with someone that wears more makeup than…”

David Bowie married a supermodel. Remember how much makeup he would wear? 

He puts the glam in glamboyant.

“You walk around like you’re ‘oh so debonair’

You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there

I wish you would just be real with me”

A lack of male genitalia would make someone female. Unless they didn’t have that either, then they would neutrois. 

“You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like… PENIS”

OH. See, when she says “gay,” she really means a guy who doesn’t like HER. Because she has a penis. So if he doesn’t like penis, he doesn’t like her. Obviously. It all makes sense now!

This might be very confusing to some lesbians.