Jennifer Hudson and Orianthi's relationship advice: Look like a woman, act like an asshole.

Think Like A Man - Jennifer Hudson, Ne-Yo ft. Rick Ross 

and 

Think like a Man - Orianthi

In honor of National Women’s History Month, I’ve picked out two songs I think will inspire females everywhere to be better women. How? By being more like men of course!

When singing about being more like a man, make sure to look as stereotypically feminine as possible. 

Guys, I mean, Ladies. Here’s the big secret to having a relationship with a man:

You gotta act like a woman
And think like a a man

ITS SO OBVIOUS RIGHT? You’re probably kicking yourself in the vagina for not having thought of it before now.

Why you call me your dream bed
And foolish me, I believe that
You said every king needs his queen, babe
That's why you needed me, baby
Right in between lost and love
You go and mess things up
Now there's no we babe
There's just you and there's me, baby

As far as sweet talkin‘ goes, calling a lady your “dream bed” isn’t exactly romantic. But there are worse pickup lines. Apparently there’s a place between the spot where you get lost finding love and then you find love, but that limbo is where things get messed. 

Vote for Ryan Gosling as Hottest Feminist today! 

There was us, there was trust
There was happen and change, I know
Silly you, silly me, silly us, what a waste

Because if a relationship doesn’t actually work out, it was an entire waste of time. There was nothing learned, nothing gained. And you get your heart broken.

But apparently you can prevent that. 

But in love, love, love
You gotta act like a woman and think like a man
But in love, love, love
You gotta act like a woman and think like a man

Yes, thinking like a man will solve all your relationships woes. This may be a little confusing, but it’s really rather simple. Instead of using “woman logic,” apply “man logic” to certain situations. Example: 

So different but the same,
Boy you taught me everything
Yeah, you showed me how you think,
You're the only one to blame
It's such a shame,
Yeah you lost the game, but you taught me how to play

Ever notice how women are defined by being everything a man is not? The only thing in common it seems is how both turn into assholes when they try to make a commitment to each other. But hey, the relationship wasn’t a colossal waste of time because now she knows how to think like a man and therefore will never be played again by a man. 

B-TEE-DUBS, it was all his fault.

So that was about an “adult” relationshit. Here’s a teenage one.

Orianthi would like you to remember she plays guitar as good as the boys.

Must be you if the phone don't ring

Here I am obsessing

He loves me, yeah, he loves me not

I tell myself I should just learn to shut up

No, I need to be like you

Really, she should just shut up because all that negative thinking certainly doesn’t help her. Acting more like the asshole she likes will totally help her get over her feelings of inadequacy, or whatever self-esteem issues she’s having about this guy. Obvi.

Ignore my emotions, emotions are dumb

Surfing the channels till my senses are numb

Shorten my attention span,

I should think like a man

Stick my foot in my mouth and just run away

Turn off my cell, I ain't got nothing to say

Disappear and not give a damn

I should think like a man

I should think like a man

Emotions are so dumb, she can’t even give you words to tell you how dumb they are. They’re just too dumb. So dumb, she’s going to ignore them until she feels stupid enough to run away from everything instead of confronting her problems.

Truth.

And apparently men don’t give a damn about anything. That’s why they never have friendships, or call their parents, or get married to women they love and have children they take care of. But perhaps she really means “boy” instead of “man.”

Oblivious, it must be nice

Nothing spoils your appetite

You’re checking out every blonde in sight

You’re telling me that it's just all in my mind

Yeah I want to be like you

If she wants to be “oblivious” and hit on blondes, she can. Not sure what’s stopping her, besides her need to whine and complain about how he’s not paying enough attention to her.

I could save myself so much trouble

I could save myself this heartache

But it's the best advice I know I'll never ever take

So she can see that this is a problematic situation. And she knows the solution. 

BUT SHE’S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT LOL what a stupid betch 

Yea I got to, I need to, I want to be like you

Inform me if I’m wrong, but aren’t the people you admire the ones you want to be like? Not the ones who cause you pain? 

Listen women (particularly the ladies writing these songs), don’t assume thinking like a man will make your relationships any better. Then it will be two men in a relationship. And unless you're both gay men, that’s just a friendship. With benefits. 

Katy Perry deals with divorce through music and blue hair.

“Part Of Me” - Katy Perry 

This is a break up song to rival all break up songs. Why? Because for once it’s not a pop song about Romeo and Juliet breaking up. It’s about two adults ending a marriage. 

Lyric videos are so hot right now.

Days like this I want to drive away

Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade

You chewed me up and spit me out

Like I was poison in your mouth

You took my light, you drained me down

But that was then and this is now

Now look at me

Katy is a classy lady. And she certainly sets the example. Do you see her boohoo-ing or acting a hot mess in public after her divorce? No. Probably because she’s, you know, an adult. 

So instead of driving away, she performs at the Grammys (don’t we all wish we could have that option?).

Bombshell blue at the Grammys.

This is the part of me

That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

This is the part of me

That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows

But you’re not gonna break my soul

This is the part of me

That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

Guesses as to which “part” she is referring to:

1. “Her heart!” say the romantics.

1. “Her faith!” say the religious.

1. “Her money...” say the RustyRockets’ fans.

Nay, says I.

She may look a little like a Power Ranger, but I wouldn't mess with her.

In the aftermath of divorce, what’s she got left that’s hers alone, after sharing everything with someone else? Music. Also: Talent. A career in something she loves. A kickass song.

I just wanna throw my phone away

Find out who is really there for me

You ripped me off your love was cheap

Was always tearing at the seams

I fell deep, you let me down

But that was then and this is now

Now look at me

Designer label love is hard to come by for international pop stars. But then again, this isn’t 1800s England,. Jane Austen didn’t have a smartphone (but imagine if she did?).

Throwing he phone away must be hard for someone who tweets as often as Katy does. Good thing she knows technology is one of her enemies in trying to get over her ex. 

Off-brand love just doesn’t cut it for Katy.

Now look at me I’m sparkling

A firework, a dancing flame

You won't ever put me out again

I’m glowin’ oh whoa

Self-referential in your own song? Approved.

This part was put in special for soon-to-be-ex-husband Russel Brand. 

So you can keep the diamond ring

It don't mean nothing anyway

Here’s the original, written for ex-bf Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes.

You can keep the dog for me
I never liked him anyway

Clearly she has grown up over the years if she’s exchanging a dog for a ring.

Don't worry. There's a book for that.

In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah

Except for me

Kudos to Katy Perry for being progressive with this song. Divorce is still not an easy subject to talk about, especially within a song. He may get fido, but he doesn't get her work. Being an individual that has something they care about besides another person, however cliche that sounds, could actually be the thing that helps you get your life together after a breakup.

It’s also just a nice change from other negative breakup songs out there. Like the one involving a Louisville slugger. 

Here’s an excellent article written to empathize with ex-Cali gov Schwarzenegger’s wife Maria Shriver that talks about 10 other songs discussing divorce/separation.