Jennifer Hudson and Orianthi's relationship advice: Look like a woman, act like an asshole.

Think Like A Man - Jennifer Hudson, Ne-Yo ft. Rick Ross 

and 

Think like a Man - Orianthi

In honor of National Women’s History Month, I’ve picked out two songs I think will inspire females everywhere to be better women. How? By being more like men of course!

When singing about being more like a man, make sure to look as stereotypically feminine as possible. 

Guys, I mean, Ladies. Here’s the big secret to having a relationship with a man:

You gotta act like a woman
And think like a a man

ITS SO OBVIOUS RIGHT? You’re probably kicking yourself in the vagina for not having thought of it before now.

Why you call me your dream bed
And foolish me, I believe that
You said every king needs his queen, babe
That's why you needed me, baby
Right in between lost and love
You go and mess things up
Now there's no we babe
There's just you and there's me, baby

As far as sweet talkin‘ goes, calling a lady your “dream bed” isn’t exactly romantic. But there are worse pickup lines. Apparently there’s a place between the spot where you get lost finding love and then you find love, but that limbo is where things get messed. 

Vote for Ryan Gosling as Hottest Feminist today! 

There was us, there was trust
There was happen and change, I know
Silly you, silly me, silly us, what a waste

Because if a relationship doesn’t actually work out, it was an entire waste of time. There was nothing learned, nothing gained. And you get your heart broken.

But apparently you can prevent that. 

But in love, love, love
You gotta act like a woman and think like a man
But in love, love, love
You gotta act like a woman and think like a man

Yes, thinking like a man will solve all your relationships woes. This may be a little confusing, but it’s really rather simple. Instead of using “woman logic,” apply “man logic” to certain situations. Example: 

So different but the same,
Boy you taught me everything
Yeah, you showed me how you think,
You're the only one to blame
It's such a shame,
Yeah you lost the game, but you taught me how to play

Ever notice how women are defined by being everything a man is not? The only thing in common it seems is how both turn into assholes when they try to make a commitment to each other. But hey, the relationship wasn’t a colossal waste of time because now she knows how to think like a man and therefore will never be played again by a man. 

B-TEE-DUBS, it was all his fault.

So that was about an “adult” relationshit. Here’s a teenage one.

Orianthi would like you to remember she plays guitar as good as the boys.

Must be you if the phone don't ring

Here I am obsessing

He loves me, yeah, he loves me not

I tell myself I should just learn to shut up

No, I need to be like you

Really, she should just shut up because all that negative thinking certainly doesn’t help her. Acting more like the asshole she likes will totally help her get over her feelings of inadequacy, or whatever self-esteem issues she’s having about this guy. Obvi.

Ignore my emotions, emotions are dumb

Surfing the channels till my senses are numb

Shorten my attention span,

I should think like a man

Stick my foot in my mouth and just run away

Turn off my cell, I ain't got nothing to say

Disappear and not give a damn

I should think like a man

I should think like a man

Emotions are so dumb, she can’t even give you words to tell you how dumb they are. They’re just too dumb. So dumb, she’s going to ignore them until she feels stupid enough to run away from everything instead of confronting her problems.

Truth.

And apparently men don’t give a damn about anything. That’s why they never have friendships, or call their parents, or get married to women they love and have children they take care of. But perhaps she really means “boy” instead of “man.”

Oblivious, it must be nice

Nothing spoils your appetite

You’re checking out every blonde in sight

You’re telling me that it's just all in my mind

Yeah I want to be like you

If she wants to be “oblivious” and hit on blondes, she can. Not sure what’s stopping her, besides her need to whine and complain about how he’s not paying enough attention to her.

I could save myself so much trouble

I could save myself this heartache

But it's the best advice I know I'll never ever take

So she can see that this is a problematic situation. And she knows the solution. 

BUT SHE’S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT LOL what a stupid betch 

Yea I got to, I need to, I want to be like you

Inform me if I’m wrong, but aren’t the people you admire the ones you want to be like? Not the ones who cause you pain? 

Listen women (particularly the ladies writing these songs), don’t assume thinking like a man will make your relationships any better. Then it will be two men in a relationship. And unless you're both gay men, that’s just a friendship. With benefits.