3.31.2011

Rebecca Black gets baked on Friday.


Friday” by Rebecca Black

This song is self-explanatory: get happy because TGIF.  But if put into a different context, this song may just be about performing illegal activities with friends in the back and/or front seat of a car…


Rebecca Black: wholesome teenager....


...or heading in the same direction as this?



Rebecca Black is 13.  She’s in the eighth grade.  I don’t remember eighth grade.  Can you remember when you were 13? 

“7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go down stairs”

When you’re 13, you’re required by law to go to school.  Hence waking up at 7 a.m.  Aren’t you glad you’re not 13 anymore?  

Let’s talk about sex, baby.  Thirteen years old is about the time them hormones kick in and young ladies, like Rebecca Black, begin to care about their appearance.  So they need to look “fresh;” there might be adolescent boys who see them.  We said “tight” back in my day.  Word.

So she’s a Generation Z kid with a lot of pressure to get up, look good, and go down stairs, every day.  The next lyrics make sense:

Gotta have my bowl

When listening, there’s a slight pause in the lyrics here, just long enough to let this image pop into your head:

Exhibit A: a bowl.
.

Followed by the line:

“Gotta have cereal”

Exhibit B: a bowl of cereal.

Is the pause coincidental?  Is she really that naïve?  I remembering being innocent once.  Probably when I was 13.  But that pause in the song lyrics…and she does live in California…


“Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?”
                                    
Ah, adolescence“For girls, early maturation can sometimes lead to increased self-consciousness…”   This is why Rebecca has such a hard time deciding what seat to take.  It’s like, sitting next to Ashton would be super cool, but then Demi might get totally jelly because she’s had dibs on him since last month.  The social politics are pretty intense at 13.  And if you’re baked, making an important decision like that is really hard.

From hear on out, let’s assume Rebecca Black is high because she had her bowl in the morning before heading out and seeing her friends.


It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend”


Repetition was how our teachers and parents got us newly blossoming teenagers to remember anything.  That’s how we learned pre-Algebra.  And being excited for the weekend was still exciting because it meant no school and we could act.  But she’s repeating herself way more than what’s normal for a chorus.   

“7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly”


If she’s 13, who’s driving her around?  Bad life choices, Rebecca Black.


“Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it”

She has to remind herself she’s having fun because she’s about to trip balls.  She must reassure herself that her friend is by her side.  It’s all about your ‘tude, which teens do best.

“Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?”

Deciding where to kick it in the car is, like I said, a tricky situation in navigating the social hierarchy of friends.  Especially when kick it means this

Which might explain the urban grammar….

“We-we-we so excited
We so excited”

And the hesitation when trying to remember if Sunday really does come after Saturday…

“Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards”

So it’s the only logical explanation for the lyrics.  This song is really about getting high in the backseat because it’s the weekend and what else do thirteen year olds do on the weekend?

I don’t know.  I can’t remember.



3.29.2011

Ms. Minaj is just a misunderstood mom.

Did It On ‘Em” by Nicki Minaj and “Bedrock” by Young Money Feat. Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj raps about defecation and sideburns, but there’s really a deeper meaning behind the rapper’s words…

Nicki Minaj: don’t push her or she’ll take a dump on you forealz.

From her album Pink Friday, “Did It On ‘Em” has become a sort of tough girl’s anthem. 

“Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, put yo' number two's in the air if you did it on 'em”

These lyrics say: I am a powerful female who does not have any Freudian qualms about defecating on a person and representing it with two fingers held up high. 
You go girl. But could Minaj really just be venting some frustration that she’s kept locked down deep inside?
“All these bitches is my sons
and I'ma go and get some bibs for 'em
a couple formulas, little pretty lids on 'em
If I had a dick, I would pull it out and piss on 'em”

Sounds like someone needs to go lay down on Freud’s couch and re-evaluate their childhood.  But then again, Minaj is working with the big dogs.  She’s expected to be just as nasty as the rest of them.
Her bit in “Bedrock” confused people though…

“Ok, I get it,
Let me think, I guess it's my turn,
Maybe it's Time To Put This Pussy On Ya Sideburns,
He Say I’m Bad, He Prob’lly Right,
He Pressing Me Like Button Downs On A Friday Night”

Maybe comedian Natasha Leggero is right.  Perhaps Minaj is just a confused little girl, trapped inside a grown-ups body.  She’s just an underdog, underpuppy if you will, who shows aggressive behavior in her lyrics because she’s in the same pen as the big dogs. 
That’s the best analogy I got.  Here’s something fun to do if you’ve got your own favorite Nicki Minaj lyrics to twist.

Prof. Pitbull teaches Pimping 101 in song.

"Go Girl" by Pitbull Feat. Trina and Young Boss.

Pitbull's lyrics in this song tell us who he is as a person, what dance move he likes the ladies to bust on the dance floor, and how to pimp. . .virtually.


Not this pit bull.



 
This one.  But both are dogs.



Here's part of the intro:

"I party like a rock star,
Look like a movie star,
Play like an all star,
Fuck like a porn star,
Baby I'm a superstar"

 All of that is fine and dandy.  Except for the part about fucking like a porn star.  Porn stars aren't fucking; they're acting.  Granted they're not the best actors when it comes to character or dialogue, but fucking is the one bit of acting they do pretty convincingly. Ladies everywhere now know what to expect from Pitbull in bed, but who cares, he's a superstar. 

The ladies totally want him for his good looks...and by good looks, I mean money.

"Go girl, work it out
'Til you tire
Just tryin' to pay your tuition
Liar"

 Oh shnap.  Some girl just got called out on her b.s.!  Pitbull can tell which girls are tryin' to gold dig.  You need money for textbooks?  Too bad, you ain't gettin' it from Pitbull.  

But he does still want you to do something for him...

"Shake them dice and roll them
When they ask you what's that dance
You say that's the hustle, man"

You heard him.  Like Seth Rogan does in Knocked Up, get your hand up and do the Dice Shaker.  A.k.a. Hand Jobbin'.  As for the hustle, he's not talking about the 1970s dance move that John Travolta grooved.  Remember, if you're a lady who needs money for textbooks, the kind of hustlin' you're doing involves earning some green through illegal activities. 

Not sure how you go about getting customers?  Pitbull tells you how he got his merchandise.


"She's on my top 8
I bagged her off of MySpace"

Gentlemen, MySpace is how you get some.  And that concludes Pitbull's song-disguised-as-a-how-to-pimp-guide. 

At least it has a catchy whistled tune.