Welcome to the studio DJ Toblerone, who gives us his take on this wonderful song about a young man trying to court a woman he's fallen for.
“Lights Turned On” - Childish Gambino
For the uninitiated, Childish Gambino is comedy writer/actor Donald Glover’s exciting foray into the rap game. What started off as a kind of novel series of mixtapes---in which Childish Gambino spat crazy clever rhymes and funny non-sequiturs over samples of such indie darlings as Grizzly Bear and Sleigh Bells---has formed into a more cathartic listening experience that one can liken to Kanye West’s trademark blend of over-the-top braggadocio and self-flagellation.
Furthermore, for someone with such an incomprehensible work ethic as Glover possesses there must be a pearl of wisdom somewhere in his lyrics that we can ultimately sell off for cheap so that our families may eat once more.
A nice, upstanding gentleman.
Let’s take a look at how he approaches the courting of a lady-fellow in a song from his Childish Gambino EP called “Lights Turned On”.
“Small chick with a fat ass
Did I say that out loud? Lemme backtrack”
Well. Here, we see that just as the planter imitates the plant and the hunter imitates the prey, so too does the ass-man imitate the ass.
His unorthodox manner of flirting may seem a bit rocky, but don’t count him out quite yet. Let’s see what else C.B. has up his sleeve. Oh, also, here’s a video of Glover as a homeless realtor.
So that’s how you make lady friends. Point out the obvious physical accoutrements they have, proceed to win them over. Interesting strategy...but does it work.
Continued:
“I know my game ain’t that bad
Have you ever made out with a Gap ad?”
Well, that just seems like an odd question…why, why would anyone ask…oh, never mind. I suppose I should just scrap this “lower-all-gap-billboards-so-that-I-may-smooch-them-every-once-in-while” piece of legislation. Let us sally forth!
“You love me? You mean cash
Need a friend you can fuck, I can be that”
It’s no diamond ring, but “need a friend you can fuck” is the name of about five different Ashton Kutcher movies coming out this summer alone. So, this is kind of like Gambino’s cutesy entreaty to go watch a movin’ picture. Followed by emotionless fucking, sure.
Everyone knows that “want to watch a movie” really means “lets pretend to watch a movie, but actually have a sexy party.”
In the living room of course.
Perhaps this format is not the best way in which to learn from Childish Gambino. Instead let us turn to James Lipton’s Proust Questionnaire in order to glean some wisdom from this particular song.
- What is your favorite word?
“Swag
2:30 and we still making progress
Talkin’ on Twitter to see where to go next
3:30, man, where did the time go?”
Excellent answer!
Twitter is where I go to pick up chicks all the time. Retweet a ho, and she’ll be all up in your newsfeed. Swag.
Also, thank you for the additional words. Now,
- What is your least favorite word?
“She like, ‘I’m not a slut,’ speed bump
By the way, what’s your name? ‘Cause we drunk!!!”
INTERESTING! FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS TEST, YOU MAY CALL ME LIPTON! ALSO:
3. What turns you on spiritually?
“Chillin’ with this Asian chick I met in Chicago
She look like the Social Network chick
Except her ass is twice as thick, man
Just wanna bite that shit”
Lovely!
Oh, what a charmer. He obviously gets all the ladies. The biting might signal a need for attention, in a negative way though...shouldn’t reinforce such behavior.
Well,
4. What turns you off?
“Uh, I talk a lot about the girls in my songs
But you are different from the girls in my songs
So stop talkin’ about the girls in my song!
If you don’t like it, I can just take you home…”
I beg your pardon! Perhaps I was too forward! All right, and,
5. What is your favorite curse word?
“Fuck ya life”
Naughty!!!
Or short and sweet.
Okay,
- What sound or noise do you love?
“For me, by me, fuck FUBU”
Mhm. Mhm.
- What sound or noise do you hate?
“Where the fuck did my license went?
I musta left it at the other place”
The bad grammar must be because he’s so drunk. Hopefully.
Unfortunate!!!
- What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
“My work is my playtime
I need you to understand this and stay fine
Do this and I just might wife you”
Intriguing!
Wife is now a verb. Apparently. And all you have to do to be his wife, is make sure you stay attractive. Easy enough!
9. What profession would you not like to do?
“Things change like a motherfuck”
Right, too difficult to think about. Understood.
*er.
- If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
“I got to get high
I need to get high
Uh, I NEEDS to get high
Uh, I GOTS to get high”
Don’t we all.
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