A Couplet of Things to Consider

“Like a G6” – Far East Movement, feat. The Cataracts and Dev

Since it’s pretty obvious we adults know how to be cool (hopfully), so here’s how to be cool if you’re in the 6^th grade. 11 year old Sweezy will be translating these lyrics.

“Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard

When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard

Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6

Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6”

 We wear sunglasses all the time so you can’t tell we’re asian high.

Translation:

All you need is some Mentos and maybe like three 2-liter bottle of soda drank. Make sure its nice and cold, like its been sitting in a blizzard. Make sure no teachers are on the playground at recess. Tell the boys and girls this place is about to be “poppin’.” See you in detention, ‘cause you’re too cool for school.

 Bottles exploding are cool, no matter what age.

When drinking you Danimals drinkbable, Capri sun's, or carton of chocolate milk, here’s how you do it right:

1.    Never drink when someone is telling a joke. Milk coming out of a nose is funny, as long as it’s not your nose.

2.    Do not squeeze your container full of liquid too hard. Apply a gentle amount of pressure. Otherwise, you will get it all over yourself. Kids will point and laugh and your mom will yell at you for getting it all over your new shirt. Loser.

3.    Do not share. Cool kids are nice, but you don’t need to share to show you care. You’ll catch whatever the snotty kid has. Or pink eye.

4.    Drink more milk. It’s good for you and will help you be taller/stronger than the other kids.

5.    Pinky up. Always.

Drink milk, and you could raid tombs one day too!

 

Drink milk, and you could fight crime one day too!

     Here is the coolest way to drink, boys and girls: with a licorice straw. Sip your canned beverage of choice with a straw made out of sugar. Again, candy + soda = cool. You will feel supah fly, like you're (3 x 6 =) 18 years old.

Some big kids have adapted the licorice straw to adult beverages.

     So you're sitting there at the cafeteria table, sippin' your 7UP with a candy straw, pinky up, getting hyphy on sugar. Then a kid invites you over for a pool party at their house after school. The only way to compare how cool you feel is to, of course, reference one of the coolest machines built by man. 

Airplanes. Thass wassup.