A Couplet of Things to Consider

“Run the World (Girls)” - Beyoncé

Beyoncé, or Queen B as she’s better known, has been running a campaign to rule the world for awhile now. But I think it’s males of our species that should really be worried...this song is a threat disguised with fancy dance moves and outfits.

Queen of Sheba...

Queen B

Translation:

“My persuasion can build a nation 

In this hour 

Our love we can devour 

You'll do anything for me”

Beyoncé is of course referring to the female persuasion. Building a nation takes longer than a day; Beyonce has been working on her’s since 2002, when she went solo.

Look out Hilary, you might have some new competition...

This hour being the final hour, and by final hour, I mean final year. 2012 looms, but don’t worry, we’ve got Beyowolf.

This looks vaguely familiar....check out the picture's 

link to see an interesting apocalyptic theory.

You know what else devours love? A female praying mantis.

He probably deserved it.

There’s no question that you will obey Queen B. If she says put a ring on it, you better put a ring on it.

She would like the ring on that finger.

A Couplet of Things to Consider

"6 Foot 7 Foot” - Lil Wayne ft. Cory Gunz

Lil Wayne and Cory Gunz. Lil Wayne is actually 5'6''. His skinny jeans make him look taller though.

Sampling from “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song” by Harry Belafonte, Lil Wayne has played one of his best games of oral scrabble with his 6'7"" song. 

“paper chasing, tell that paper, ‘Look, I'm right behind ya’

bitch, real G's move in silence like lasagna 

people say I'm borderline crazy, sorta kinda 

woman of my dreams, I don't sleep so I can't find her 

you n-ggas are gelatin, peanuts to an elephant 

I got through that sentence like a subject and a predicate” 

Translation:

While trying to earn money in life, you may not have realized that Lil Wayne was actually right behind you doing the same. Only doing it better.

He can afford furniture made out of money.

Do you see what he did there? The “g” in lasgna is silent because in the Italian language, when a “g” is put in front of certain letters, it becomes a “y.” Real G's are like pasta.

Real G’s also move in silence like the “h” in spaghetti.

He may or may not be crazy. He's not saying he is. But he's not saying he isn't either.

Pretty sure these guys are though...

The Sandman can’t visit Lil Wayne and bring him a dream with the cutest he’s ever seen if he doesn’t sleep.

The Dream of Venus by Salvador Dali. If I had dreams like Dali's, I wouldn't sleep either.

People are either jello or little legumes that pachyderm’s eat. 

Peanuts.

Lil Wayne knows how to grammar. He wants you to know this.

Can't say that!

Here's a cover you might like:

The Title Tells All

Lady Gaga’s albums have shown monstrous growth for the artist. 

Iced out sunglasses = famous.

The Fame (2008)

The album was a prediction of what was to come for Gaga. So much fame, her disguise would only last so long... 

She's hiding something...

The Old Gaga, before she transformed.

The Fame Monster (2009)

The peak of the monstrous music career that she had made herself, she began to go by her real name: Mother Monster. 

Transformation complete.

Born This Way (2011)

After revealing she was demon spawn a musical artist that isn’t afraid to create her music in her image.

DJ Discussions: DJ Val-ium

I would like everyone to welcome to the studio, DJ Val-ium, who will be steering us in the right direction towards where she believes the danger zone is located (hint: in your pants).

"Highway to the Danger Zone" - Kenny Loggins

Microphone: check.  Guyliner: check.

This is Val Kilmer.  He is an actor and the subject of The Kilmer Cure, provenance of today’s guest DJ Val-ium.  

Also pictured: Tom Skerritt’s mustache.

Gotta love a good ‘stache. 

This is Iceman.  He is a fighter pilot and subject of the 1986 film Top Gun.  Top Gun had three stars: Mr. Kilmer, Tom Cruise, and Kenny Loggins’ classic love anthem, "Highway to the Danger Zone."

Nothin’ like an ’80s song to rev you up. 

"Revvin' up your engine

Listen to her howlin' roar"

There is a grand tradition in rock and roll of comparing women to cars—see Buddy Holly’s "Not Fade Away," AC/DC’s "You Shook Me All Night Long," Joss Stone’s "Don't Cha Wanna Ride?," etc.—but this is the only song I know comparing a woman to an airplane, which has thus far saved us from jokes about taxiing to the runway. 

Machines do seem to be the perfect metaphor for women. Rihanna likes to compare herself to a car all the time in her songs. She likes to shift into what we call “whore-wheel drive.”

"Metal under tension

Beggin' you to touch and go"

Touch and go—clearly this is an in and out operation, what frat guys call a “quickie” and Iceman might call “infiltration and extraction.” 

Iceman was a better mechanic than Maverick eh?

The man knows how to get a lady's engine revving.  That's all I'll say.

"Highway to the Danger Zone

Ride into the Danger Zone"

Uh-oh.  The Danger Zone sounds like the kind of place I want to avoid during romantic encounters . . . is there an off-ramp somewhere soon?

So when they say highway, they really mean....landing strip?

"Headin' into twilight

Spreadin' out her wings tonight"

I warned you about the plane thing.  I never feel sexier than when a guy compares me to a five thousand pound hunk of metal. 

Do you think they chose this song just because they used the word wings and there are pilots in the movie?

I don’t know whether this is a blessing or a curse, but “Danger Zone” was actually written for the film.  On the one hand, it’s good that no one spontaneously equated women with aircraft; on the other, we now have Top Gun to blame for more than one of cinema’s most LOL-arious sex scenes. 

"She got you jumpin' off the track

And shovin' into overdrive

Highway to the Danger Zone

I'll take you

Right into the Danger Zone"

Again—and I cannot stress this enough—I would like to avoid the Danger Zone in my pants.

Which is faster: taking the highway to the danger zone or the interstate?  

"Out along the edges

Always where I burn to be

The further on the edge

The hotter the intensity"

Wait.  Burning?  Now there’s burning?  No wonder he’s “begging to touch and go;” he gave me a frickin’ STD!  Now I know why they call it the Danger Zone . . . 

Hotter and intense just aren’t enough description for me. For redundancy’s sake, give me some more adjectives!

Like "tingling" and "syphillis-y?"

Yes.

I knew I didn’t want to be on this stupid Route 66 to the Danger Zone.

Giggity.