36-24-36 are a common combo of numbers in songs. What do they stand for? Hip, waist, and bust measurements that men of any musical genre can agree is attractive.
A band actually made up of dudes, in case you were wondering.
“36-24-36
I want lots of pretty chicks”
Short and sweet: we like girls. We especially like girls with these measurements. We especially especially like pretty girls.
But remember: whether you're apple, banana, pear, or any other fruit's shape you wish to self-identify with, you are not a bunch of numbers. You also have a personality. Unless you have a crap personality. Then yeah, you might want to attain some kind of fruit shape to attract a apemate.
Heaven is a marble staircase with a globe sitting on the top step.
This song must be an inside joke because it makes no sense otherwise.
“Oh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?
Oh, heaven is a place on Earth
They say in heaven, love comes first
We’ll make heaven a place on Earth”
Translation:
What is she talking about? You can’t just begin a song with a question that assumes the listener knows the subject. And how does she know we work on the same value scale she does? We could be converting to euros when she’s using yen.
Money is internationally known to be the root of all evil.
If Google maps can’t find a place, then it doesn’t exist on Earth. If this is a metaphor, you need a little comparison to happen.
Wait, just kidding.
Who says that? Why does it come first and not respect? Where is she getting these facts? Objection, the witness is being vague and ambiguous.
Case closed.
So heaven can be made with two people. Ok, but how? Is she trying to make a sexual innuendo? She forgot the part where you’re supposed to be coy.
If you wanna make heaven, just look at this recipe for banana cupcakes, courtesy of Chef Hannah Hayes.
(Prince doesn’t like his music to be available on YouTube, so the live performance will have to do.)
The artist formerly known as being sexy in velvet purple. Oh, the 80s.
Remember Pretty Woman? This song inspired the movie. True story. (Note: it’s not a true story. This is just a theory.)
But Prince, with hips that would make Elvis jelly, laid down a little wisdom in this 80s hit about the value of having chemistry with a person.
“You don’t have to be rich, to be my girl
You don’t have to be cool, to rule my world
Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your.....kiss”
Translation:
You don’t need to have monetary value to be someone’s companion. Guy’s don’t like Princess Paris Hilton; they like that she puts out.
Can I buy you a drink too, or do you just want the money?
“Cool” is one of those subjective words. You can be “too cool for school,” or “cool as ice,” or even “a cool cucumber.” What matters is how hot your significant other thinks you are when you laugh at their corny joke.
Was that an earthquake, or did you just rock my world?
Baby, astrology has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t have to be in the stars for you to be a match made in heaven.
Was your dad a thief? ‘Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
How do you let someone know you care? You spend time with them. Remember how as a kid you wanted to spend time with your heroes (mom, dad, brother, sister, friend)? People don’t lose that want. So hang out with that special someone if you really like them.
And make out....a lot.
If I had a garden, I’d put my two lips and your two lips together.
You might be thinking “I thought the Beastie Boys wrote this?” Nope.
Jesse Jaymes is the stage name of Jesse Itzler, a rapper/songwriter/college graduate. That part is important to note since the whole song is about a young man who experienced the fruits of college.
Unassuming rapper and successful co-founder of Marquis Jet.
Here’s the part about a visit to a girl’s dorm room:
“…took off her clothes and said her name was Diana,
her chest was bigger than the state of Indiana.
She said, "Let’s get busy, I don't wanna lose ya."
And needless to say, I knocked it like a hoosier.”
Translation:
Diana, of Latin origin, means “divine.” Diana’s gotta be a dime if the next lines tell you anything. Some famous babes named Diana:
Diana Ross, siren of The Supremes.
Princess Diana, the royal British beauty.
Diana of Themyscira, Wonder Woman’s alter ego, and the foxy fantasy of fanboys everywhere.
Indiana is 36, 417.73 square miles. It is the 38thlargest state in the U.S. Not physically possible to have breasts that large, but this is a good example of artistic license.
That’s not even all of them.
Tangent: Contrary to popular belief, Texas is not the largest state; Alaska is. Alaska seems to slip under the radar quite a bit doesn’t it? Maybe that’s why no one ever noticed it was filled with space cadets. I don’t think I need to link to who I’m referring to.
The verb “to knock” means to collide with something or strike with a sharp blow. In this case, it means to do sex on a person. A Hoosier is a native or resident of Indiana.
Note: Knocking up a hoosier does not make you a hoosier.
“Like a G6” – Far East Movement, feat. The Cataracts and Dev
Since it’s pretty obvious we adults know how to be cool (hopfully), so here’s how to be cool if you’re in the 6th grade. 11 year old Sweezy will be translating these lyrics.
“Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6”
We wear sunglasses all the time so you can’t tell we’re asian high.
Translation:
All you need is some Mentos and maybe like three 2-liter bottle of soda drank. Make sure its nice and cold, like its been sitting in a blizzard. Make sure no teachers are on the playground at recess. Tell the boys and girls this place is about to be “poppin’.” See you in detention, ‘cause you’re too cool for school.
1.Never drink when someone is telling a joke. Milk coming out of a nose is funny, as long as it’s not your nose.
2.Do not squeeze your container full of liquid too hard. Apply a gentle amount of pressure. Otherwise, you will get it all over yourself. Kids will point and laugh and your mom will yell at you for getting it all over your new shirt. Loser.
3.Do not share. Cool kids are nice, but you don’t need to share to show you care. You’ll catch whatever the snotty kid has. Or pink eye.
4.Drink more milk. It’s good for you and will help you be taller/stronger than the other kids.
Drink milk, and you could fight crime one day too!
Here is the coolest way to drink, boys and girls: with a licorice straw. Sip your canned beverage of choice with a straw made out of sugar. Again, candy + soda = cool. You will feel supah fly, like you're (3 x 6 =) 18 years old.
Some big kids have adapted the licorice straw to adult beverages.
So you're sitting there at the cafeteria table, sippin' your 7UP with a candy straw, pinky up, getting hyphy on sugar. Then a kid invites you over for a pool party at their house after school. The only way to compare how cool you feel is to, of course, reference one of the coolest machines built by man.
Shania Twain is secretly a feminazi. (Not really, but let’s pretend.)
Shania Twain demonstrating how you can play football AND have great hair.
Shania is frustrated and needs to let out her feminine frustration:
“I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout”
You let it all hang out, girlfriend. Burn that bra. Raise that voice. Shake that fist. The Man is always trying to shush The Woman. Shouting is the only way to be heard.
This is why vamp is a derogatory term. Thanks Bram Stoker. (This comic is referencing the author's novel "Dracula.")
Forgetting about oppression for a night, here's how Shania lets loose.
“No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time”
NO! to inhibition, prohibition, or inquisitions. YES! to exhibition, acquisition, and various positions.
Shania Twain, 1921.
A gal can have a one night stand and still make it to work on time the next morning. After hitting up Starbucks, of course. And she won’t feel bad about using the “c” word if a bitch cuts her in line.
“The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun”
That’s damn straight. Females were built to have the exclusive right to engage in pleasurable activities as they please. Eve ate the apple because she wasn't afraid to partake in an enjoyable albeit forbidden experience. Obviously, Adam was no fun until he met Eve.
She's all about trying new things. I bet he uses the phrase "Worldwide Web" too.
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style”
Putting on a man’s shirt while also wearing a mini to demonstrate that you’re not letting a patriarchal society control your sexuality through clothing? You go, girl.
In case you're not sure how you should look, just dress like you're in the 90s and still a fan of Nirvana.
Or like musical artist in the 80s, Annie Lennox, who preferred business attire to men's casual wear.
“Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare”
Hair is a big issue for women in western societies. A lot of men prefer their women with long hair and au naturel. But that's the only place they prefer hair.
Frida Kahlo tried on different hair styles in her paintings all the time. That's how you know she felt like a woman.
“The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town”
“Girls just wanna have fun [and dye their hair]" is pretty much what this part of the song is saying.
Cyndi Lauper knew how to have fun, but as a girl. Not a woman. The times are a-changin'. Note the dyed hair.
